


Night Thougts

by Lovethewinchestersinc4



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovethewinchestersinc4/pseuds/Lovethewinchestersinc4
Summary: Dean can't help but over think about Cas. Set after 15Xo4.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Claire Novak & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jody Mills & Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

Dean's eyes were about to get shut, but he opened them quickly again. He was so tired, but there was no way he would go to sleep. 

Like any other night lately, he told himself he had to stay awake through the night. If he would go to sleep, he would be attacked by unwanted thoughts he didn't know how to handle since Cas decided it was his time to leave. 

It's not like Cas hasn't left before. But Dean always had this feeling of security, because he knew Cas will always be back for him. 

Now, he wasn't so sure it was still a go, and even though deep down he knew it was his fault, he couldn't help but be frightened by the thought. 

"I think I should go." It was something Dean didn't expect from the angel. He was so used to always having Cas around… 

Every time Dean fell to this routine of over thinking his last conversation with Cas, he tried with all his inner powers to concentrate on Scooby Doo and his gang, on the episode he was watching, but then he would remember that weird day he, Sam and Cas were moved through the TV to the episode and he would again start to analyze all his relationship with Cas. 

"Shit…" Dean mumbled to himself and turned the TV off. The room quieted without the sounds of his favorite dog and friends. The big group kept reminding Dean of how much his family used to be so big once. 

He had Sam, like always. And Cas. And the kid.

Now all he had is Sam again. "Just like old times." Dean told himself smiling, and opened a bottle of beer, trying to relax on his comfortable bed. 

But there was no shitting anyone out there. Old times didn't work for Dean anymore, and he wasn't satisfied anymore with just him and Sam. 

Why did he even let things go that far with his family? With Jack, and then with Cas? At the time it felt like he was doing the right thing, but every day passing he couldn't let go of his stupid ego mistakes. 

He wasn't angry with Cas for trying to save Jack. Hell, he missed the kid himself. But he was still so angry. He didn't even know why. And he said those things, he knew were awful. 

Dean couldn’t even bring himself to apologize to the angel. He couldn't close his damn eyes and call him, ask him to talk, to figure things out. They had a lot of shit between them, but they best friends. Best idiot friends.

He was such a pussy, Christ. 

And he couldn’t help but feel like a dumb shit, sitting on his bed in the middle of night thinking about another guy. He never had these issues before. Dean used to get a girl he wanted, and then leave her behind, move on to another hunt, another woman without any regrets. Sure, there were a few women out there he cared about, that they were more then just a fling, but it was never like that… 

But Cas only a friend, he had to remind himself, not anything close to all his flings with women in the past…

"Dude! Are you going to sleep?" Sam banged on Dean's door.

"Yea, yea, go have nice time with Eileen," he told his little brother. 

"Did you talk to Cas?" Sam ignored Dean's answer. It was like he hit him straight were it hurts. It's not like he wasn’t over thinking about talking to Cas all the freaking time. 

"He didn't answer me." Dean told his brother through the closed door. Of course he didn't answer him. It's not like Dean ever had the courage to call him, but even if he did, he doubted that Cas would answer. And then, what would Dean ever say to him anyway? But it wasn't something Sam needs to know. 

"Right. Well, Eileen and I will be searching for Lilith tomorrow again. You are welcome to join in." Sam said and then Dean heard him walking away. The message was clear. Even if he didn't know the reason to it, Sam was tired of Dean's sulking and he wasn't willing to have anymore days of Dean waking around the bunker with his hot dogs pajamas doing noting but eat.

"Lilith my ass." Dean told himself finishing the beer. 

How could he be focused on the stupid she-demon when all he had on his mind was his angel?


	2. Chapter 2

He wasn't planning on it the night before, but when Jody called Dean straight in the morning and asked him to come over, Dean jumped on the opportunity. Sure, it meant he had to step out of his hot-dog pajamas he started to love with his heart, but it was worth it. Basically, it meant that Jody gave Dean an all free Sam-Lilith time, and not only that, it also meant that Dean could get away from his thoughts for a couple of days. 

So, he woke up earlier than Sam (an accomplishment) and took off before his annoying brother could say anything about him tagging alone, or worse, for Dean to stay.  
He arrived at Jody's house by nightfall and parked his car right next to her police car. Knocking on the door, he was surprised to have Claire open it up for him. 

"Hey, kiddo, what are you doing here? I thought you went out to experience your own hunting trip?" he asked her as he stepped inside the house. 

"I never left after the whole bullshit with Kaia. Had to stay a little bit the family, you know how its like. Family is everything and all that shit." She said. There was a note of anger in her voice, but Dean was oblivious to it.

"That sounds cool. Where's everybody?" Dean asked the younger girl. 

"Well, Patience went out to pick up Alex from the hospital, her shift's ending in fifteen minutes, and Jody went out to buy some supplies. Food. Beer because you're a douche." Claire said as she opened one of the door cabinets and got a glass out of it. She spilled water in it and slide it over the table in Dean's way.

"What does me being a douche has anything to do with the beer?" Dean pouted. 

"You are the only reason she buys it." Claire stated. Dean shrugged. 

"It ain't no life without your cup of beer." 

"Are you gonna drink your water?" Claire asked. 

"Nope." 

"Douche." 

The two sat on the couch in the living room. Dean laying his back on the soft armrest, and Claire pulling her legs together, still holding the cup of water in her hands. 

"Honestly now, how have you been doing?" Dean asked her. The blonde sighed. 

"Getting through, you know what it's like. There are better days and worse days for all of us. Alex's doing great in her work but avoids all kind of relationships. Patience is doing great with finding new friends but has no idea what to do with her time and can't think about a job or studying. And me? I'm just plain old me. " she said and took a sip out of the water. 

"Want to hear the truth, Dean?" she asked the big guy. 

Dean nodded. 

"I'm miserable and broken hearted, and my said love is totally dead. Yours isn't, so I have no idea why you are sitting here with me instead of trying to fix it before it's too late and you'll end up just like me." 

***  
Jody arrived ten minutes later. Dean blessed all the angels in sky (if there's anyone left out of them anyway) when she arrived because he couldn't bare the heavy silence he had to share with Claire, whom had no problem disappearing in her room once Jody came through the door. 

If Jody noticed, she didn't say a word. She smiled warmly at Dean and asked him if he could help her out in the kitchen.

Dean immediately agreed. He'll never be a kitchen guy, but there's a minimum even he can do to thank Jody for her hospitality, and besides, good work is a good distraction. 

"So, how's things going on with you guys? I haven't heard from any of you in ages." Jody asked. 

"We were actually trying to avoid you. Got messed up in some serious shit and didn't want anyone else involved while solving it." Dean answered truthfully. 

"And? Did you solve it? you know if you need any help, you can call too. Friendship works both ways around." Jody said as she placed the six beers on the marble, then ripped out the box and pulled a bottle for Dean.

"I know. It's not like that, though. We know what we're facing, we tried getting help in the past. It only got more people die." Dean said, trying hard not start having a walk down the memory lane. Pamala, Ash, Ellen and Jo, and there were so many others…

"So, you didn't solve this yet. Why are you then?" Jody asked. 

"You called. I came." Dean didn't hesitate to answer as he opened his bottle of beer.

"That's sweet of you, but it's getting really late. Alex and Patience should be here anytime, and you've had a long drive here. Go settle in the guest room, I'll make dinner, and we'll talk about the weird shit tomorrow. How does that sound to you?" Jody smiled at Dean. 

"Sound's great Jody. Thanks," Dean said, and turned around to go upstairs. 

"Hey, Dean?" Jody called after him. He turned to look at her. 

"If you guys still need my help anyway, remember that if you call, I'll come." She said, boomeranging his own words at him.

***  
While Dean lay on the bed in the guest room late at night, he closed his eyes and tried hard to think about lots of other things. 

About Mom, and Baby, Flowers, Ben, Bobby, Sam. 

"Dean?" Claire's voice stopped his night thoughts. 

Her slender body made a shade in his dark bedroom, concealing the light from the hall.

"You have to fix things with him before it's too late." Not like most of the times, her voice was wavering and gentle. 

He closed his eyes.

"I know, Clair, I know.


End file.
